3 encouragements in the midst of #toddlerlife in #COVID19

So many of you have asked me some variation of "How are you doing these days?" "What are you doing these days?" and "What is it like parenting a toddler during the pandemic?" Usually I say, "We're doing fine," because when you put it in perspective in light of those who are risking their lives to help people who have the virus, those who are performing essential duties and continuing to work despite the risk, those who are in difficult situations of quarantine (difficult family situations, domestic abuse, extreme isolation, depression), or those who live in areas where the order to quarantine is difficult or impossible, we really are more than fine... but there's also so much more. This post is going to be a little different from our usual posts, but hope it can give some encouragement or at the very least show some solidarity with all the parents out there!

On Friday, it felt like I hit a wall. After putting Silly Bean down for the night, I was exhausted and as my husband and I sat on the couch to catch up after a very long week. I could feel the tiredness and discouragement in my body. No, we really can't complain--our neighbors are great, we have access to the resources/food we need, we both get to work from home and our finances have not taken at hit in this time as it has for so many who we know--but when I saw that the governor of our state posted on social media saying that he thinks it'll still be a few more weeks of social distancing, my heart sank. The extrovert in me felt like it was dying a little more, and the practical side of me was asking, "Okay, so if we're going to be stuck at home for the next 2 months, what are we going to need?," immediately jumping to list-making and feeling overwhelmed by the mental load. Additionally, I pictured the day to day of the next few weeks and felt even more tired.

Day in and day out, I am with Silly Bean nearly the entire day as my husband's ministry has become even more demanding. I try to be as present as I can for the little guy, especially since he is so relational and leaves me alone/plays by himself only for maybe half an hour total in a given day. I've also heard that young children can feel and be affected the anxiety of this season, so who knows how much of that clinginess is just Silly Bean's personality vs. being affected by the stress of the world around us. We used to have playdates, library story time, and running errands to break up the day, so there is little besides outdoor time to break up the inside time. The evenings are the only time I have for Kevin and myself, or if I want to keep up a relationship and do a call or video chat. I don't have the bandwidth to keep up with very many people, and it's hard to practice self-care, let alone have energy to think about what I need to feel refreshed (esp when most of the things I would normally think of as life-giving involve things that can't be done during quarantine!). So all in all, I am dually grateful and very tired.

But even in the midst of trying to navigate and manage all of that, there are 3 encouragements that have been pressing on my heart that I'd love to share with you all.

1. Things are still growing.

our pinto beans are growing!

So many of friends are still beginning their marriages (and livestreaming their ceremonies), new babies are making their way into my friends' lives, my sweet Silly Bean is suddenly is too tall for his pants, our relationships with neighbors are somehow deepening despite the quarantine. The pinto beans we planted that we blogged about a few weeks ago have now been growing so much that we had to transfer them from the window to a pot, which we have been nurturing and checking up on every day. Life is still happening, our kids are still growing and developing even if they are driving us crazy at home. Progress is happening, even though the days creep by slowly and we may not feel like we can see the end.

2. There is still beauty.

we sure love finding dandelions!

We saw a mom squirrel and 2 baby squirrels on a walk in our neighborhood!
photo credit: Kevin Calkins

Nature around us is springing into life--we've seen new flowers blooming, baby squirrels, dandelions transforming, baby geese, so many different birds... A warm hello exchanged with a neighbor says so much more than just "hello" these days, but also "I see you" and "We're in this together." Sometimes we get a warm day and all of the neighbors are then out taking walks and smiling at each other. There are lots of little things to be grateful for, if we take the time to look for them.

3. We have the opportunity to be intentional about cultivating.

This is what I'm most excited about, especially with regard to parenting. Even though it is exhausting, even though there is little return on investment or evidence that what you're doing is making a difference, we have the unique chance especially now with our kids to teach them so much more than academic things. The extensive time we get to spend with our kids in these days are a rare treasure. They are learning from watching us how to emotionally respond in crisis. How to think creatively to help a neighbor. How to find joy in little things. How to cultivate gratitude in the midst of not being able to do what they want, go places they want to, feel cooped up at home. With a little thought and reflection on our part, we can help to cultivate their character through the way we are live our lives as adults and also by taking the time to talk about things.

I love this Target mug that says "Find me in the garden." Toddler life has found us outside on a daily basis, and picking flowers at that ;P, but in all seriousness I think there are some parallels between gardening and parenting. We water and tend to the seeds we sow in trust that our flowers will grow and our tomatoes will be edible, that our kids will become kind and loving individuals. Right now in our household we are sowing into developing emotional health, which we'll share about in a later post!

So take heart! What you are sowing into matters, and we'll see the beauty of it in the days to come.  We're in this together (albeit 6-10 feet apart ;D) and we got this! It's a crazy time (not to mention all of the emotional things in the midst of this pandemic that I didn't write about in this post) but it's a precious time as well.